timberwolves vs trailblazers

to the two young boys seated in 226 S 9 and 10 tonight: i understand that you were caught up in the spirit of the game (though, to be fair to everyone else, it fully appears that you are always like this). i understand that you are big blazers fans. i understand that you are just boys, and therefore immature and male. you should understand, younger boy, that when i lost control in the middle of the third quarter, and in response to one of the few charging calls that went in minnesota’s favor i screamed so loudly directly behind your ear that it scared you badly enough that you lost your balance and fell backwards into your seat, that i was just venting some of the steam that you had been building up.

to the two adults seated in 226 S 7 and 8 tonight: i understand that you lead busy lives. i understand that you hate disciplining your kids, since you probably already inflict your long hours and emotional unavailability on them. i understand, male in seat 8, that you told the kids to “shut the f*** up,” but that they’re probably your girlfriend’s kids and you don’t have much sway over them. you should understand, though, whomever the kids belong to, that i sincerely hope they cause you as much pervasive stress as you have allowed them to cause on the world around them (i.e., us).

to my father and brothers: you should understand that, despite this screed, i had a good time, and do want to go again. besides, it was really funny when i scared that kid, even if it makes me somewhat of a child / bad person.